I didn’t intend to lose myself in motherhood or completely lose my identity but somehow it just happened. I don’t blame anyone but myself, because other moms warned me this could happen if I did not pay attention to the signs. We even had a guest speaker at MOPs share her story about this very subject! Yet, it happened to me!
Let me preface this by saying I would not change raising my kids or having a family for anything in this world! They are my world, and I love them so much. However, I would change how I treated myself in the process.
I am a recovering perfectionist. I threw myself in the role of becoming a mom! We tried and tried to get pregnant, and when it finally happened, I wanted everything to be perfect. Of course, I had a rocky pregnancy so I decided I would be the greatest mom!
My husband worked midnights, and I was so scared I would not wake up for her feedings that I would just stay up all night until he got home, and then I would just sleep for two hours. Grace and I attended Gymboree, singing, baby massage, and many more classes. I wanted her to have the best, and I wanted to be the best.
We unexpectantly become pregnant again; however, we had a late pregnancy miscarriage. I was devastated. I took it personally, as if I did something wrong. This happened a total of three times. In between carrying three healthy children with difficulty conceiving and problems during the pregnancy. Once again, I blamed myself for all the problems thinking I was not good enough to be a mom.
After the last miscarriage, I sought help. We realized I was experiencing postpartum depression, and I was losing myself in motherhood. Somewhere along the way, I lost the joy of being a mom because I was too focused on being perfect.
With the help of the therapist and becoming vulnerable with my fellow mother friends, I loosened up. I started to enjoy motherhood again. I found myself.
Here are my five tips to not losing yourself in motherhood:
- Maintain your personal interests
- Set and work towards your personal goals
- Insist on alone time
- Avoid isolation-ask for help when you are struggling. Join MOPs/Moms groups.
- Sleep when the baby sleeps
I am blessed by being a mom! I say a prayer of thanks every day that God gave me my children, and he chose me as their mom.
I encourage you if you are struggling, please find someone you can confide in and seek the help you need.