It was the most spectacular day, Saturday, October 26, 2002 at 2:00 p.m. This was the day I got married. And the following days should have been the same. The problem with the best day is all other days fall short. Some of those days hit rock bottom, and when those days are consecutive, your marriage is in trouble. You could shoot up the flares, and hope for help to arrive. Or you could consider the options below.
Communication is a critical tool to help salvage a marriage. I don’t know what you’re thinking. Half the time we don’t know what we are thinking ourselves, so how can your spouse be expected to read your mind. They can’t, but we can’t be expected to read their mind either. After you share open communication with your spouse, repeat what each other said back. You’ll be surprised how many times one of you misheard something.
Make assumptions, but not in a negative way. Assume that whatever is said is said with good intentions. If you don’t expect the best from your spouse, you won’t hear the best. This especially helps when you are having important conversations. There are many phrases that have multiple connotations, so assuming the positive version is helpful. If it is really unclear ask what they meant directly.
Flares may help a person who is physically lost, but it won’t do much for a marriage. Praying, however, will definitely help you head into the right direction. Pray by yourself, or with your partner. This will help reestablish shared hopes, and a common goal. Faith in God, helps you to have faith in others. Faith in your spouse is important in marriage. Start small and work your way up from rock bottom.
Get a backup group. I’m not talking about you going on the road for a tour, but you need to have people that will help you to re-enforce your relationship. When your relationship is at rock bottom it’s easy to give up, but people who support your relationship can stop that from happening. A backup can make the be difference between a dying and a thriving relationship.
These are just a few things that helped my marriage. Remember that you are not alone. It took time, but I’ve learned from past complications and mistakes. The final advice I’ll give you is to seek help. Utilize friends and family as well as other sources. I learned the techniques above through my church marriage group. There are also counselors. To seek out help is not failure. The first step to save a marriage is for both of you to decide you want to save the marriage. A marriage started out with two people standing up together. If these two people are willing to keep on standing, then there is still hope.